I feel like I spend a lot of time on here whining. I don't mean to come across that way but I am struggling big time in my life. I dislike that I can't seem to find the energy to do the things that fulfilled me before Austin and my positive attitude seems to have taken a flying leap off my office building.


I remember when Austin was a month old and most of my family came to visit for his baptism, I had no idea how I would ever get him out of the house on my own and begged my mother not to leave. I felt so overwhelmed and alone and the thought of trying to get Austin anywhere on my own was just too much. But over time I managed to do it. I somehow managed to get myself ready and get Austin ready and leave my house to rejoin the world.

Austin and I had a good system going. I would pack his bag up at night if I knew I had to go somewhere the next day, he would sit in his bouncy chair (and later play in the excersaucer) while I got ready, I'd nurse, change and dress him and we would head out. I usually planned my day around his nursing sessions because they were so complicated and would take longer. Once he was 4 months old I abandoned the feeding tube for his supplements and simply gave him a bottle to top him off. My destinations were mapped out before I left the house and I managed to keep to it pretty well. As Austin grew, things got more flexible and we were good. I was happy, I knew what to expect out of my days and I just loved watching him grow and teaching him all about the world around me.

Now that I’m back to work I’ve settled into a routine but it isn’t one that I like. I am tired all the time and drag myself out of bed in the morning and get ready for work. The only time I get to spend with Austin really is nursing him and then the morning rush sweeps over. I work all day and then its home for supper, bath, playtime and then bed. By the time Austin is in bed, I don’t really feel like doing much (that and I usually fall asleep in the rocking chair and end up groggy). I know that I just need to pick a task and do it. I know what I need to do I just can’t seem to force myself to get there. I used to work out every morning before Austin got up but then I got off track. One day turned into two, turned into a week, turned into three weeks with no workout (thank goodness for Weight Watchers or I would be totally off track with my weight loss goals). I know I just need to get off my ass and do it.

No easy ending to this post....I just need to get this out there. I know someone else out there must be feeling the same way...

Off track- H1N1

I know, I know...I am suppose to be blogging about baking and I haven't in several weeks. I am sorry but life is happening and it is keeping me out of my kitchen (that and I tend to fall asleep in the rocking chair with my little man every night!)

Last night my little guy git the H1N1 vaccine. Now I will say that on Monday the line up was ridiculous! Tuesday we got turned away and Wednewsday we were rushed to the front of the line. He was a trooper and only cried a bit when he got the shot and then he was fine. Last night he had night terrors and it was horrible! I took him to bed in the guest room (he was taking up most of the bed and I wanted Gordon to get some sleep) and he tossed and turned and cried and whined and wouldn't wake up. I felt so helpless not being able to do anything. He was comforted a bit when I sat up and rocked him so it was a long night for me. I'm hoping that he will feel better today.

The whole H1N1 thing is completely out of control. People are jumping to conclusions, the media is circulating too many stories about it and people think they are informed but they aren't always reading facts. I'll be happy when things die down a bit and the vaccination process is open to everyone!