Season’s Greetings!

As I write this I can hardly believe that its Christmas time again already? Where did the year go? I haven't posted much because I am consumed with motherhood. My New Year's Resolution is to make time for myself and the things that I enjoy each day. I'm certainly in Mom mode these days!

2008 has been a very busy and exciting year for the Boutilier household! We finally finished renovating the home that we purchased last year. It took us just over a year to renovate the whole house. Over the summer Gordon, with the help of Garnet and a few friends, tore the basement down to the studs and rebuilt the whole thing. I must say that the room looks spectacular! They really did a great job. Looking back at pictures of the house when we bought it, it’s hard to believe that it is even the same one!

In early February, Gordon and I discovered that we were expecting our first child. We got the official blood work back on Valentine’s Day and had quite the celebration. We let a few people in on the secret (darn near killed my mother not to say anything!) and then let the cat out of the bag Easter weekend. The pregnancy was a bit trying...morning sickness turned into 24/7 sickness for 7 months, and the heartburn was a bit much, but all in all I’d do it again. On October 4, I thought that I was going into labour but then everything stopped and at my 40 week appointment we discovered that our little Pumpkin had flipped around and was footing breech (feet where the head should have been positioned). The doctors attempted to flip baby around but no such luck. They sent us home and told us to call in on October 14 to come in for a c-section. We hardly made it through the weekend! I was up at the crack of dawn that Tuesday morning (looking back I should really have slept in!) and we were on our way to the hospital at 9am.

At 1:16pm, Austin Walter Paul made his presence known to the world! I still can’t get over how much he looks like his father! Aunt Theresa and cousin Tanner were his very first visitors. Gordon is an awesome dad and takes fantastic care of both of us. The last two months have been quite a journey. Austin had lost a lot of weight in his first week but is back on track. Just the other day I looked at him and tried to figure out when his cheeks got chubby. Austin is very content and doesn’t cry too much (only when he needs something or wants attention). He likes to be up (not good when we’re trying to put him down for a nap) and is starting to give us the occasional full night of sleep.

In November the Newfoundland side of the family came to town to celebrate Nan’s 80th birthday and Austin’s baptism. Austin was baptised on November 9, 2008 and we were so happy that so many of you were able to be here for that event. It was exciting to have my parents and sister finally meet him. I’m looking forward to taking him to Newfoundland in the New Year for a visit.

Our house is finally a home and we are so grateful to everyone for all of your support over the past year. We are all set for our first Christmas in our house with our handsome boy.

We hope that you have a wonderful Christmas and that Santa is good to you!

Stayed tuned for the 2009 Adventures of Austin!

Our baby has arrived!

Above: Austin at 27 days old

Above: Austin at 2 days old

Above: Our new family! Day 1

Okay our baby arrived a month ago but I'm sorry there just hasn't been time to update my blog! Here is our birth story:

Tuesday, October 14- We called the hospital at 8am and were told to be there for 10am to check in. Once we arrived things moved pretty quickly and by 12:30 Gordon and I were in an operating room. I ended up needing a section because Austin was footling breech and it wasn't safe to have a natural delivery. At 1:16pm- Austn Walter Paul Oh my god! I have never experienced anything quite like it. I was convinced he was a girl and had worried that if the baby was a boy I would be disappointed. When they pulled him out and brought him around to show us and said “It’s a boy!” I immediately thought...of course you’re a boy. How could you be anything else? He proceeded to pee on G while G was taking his picture and then they whisked him off to be weight and evaluated. They handed him back to G and he held him by my head so that I could see him. I was so in awe. They asked if we had a name for him and we both said Austin at the same time. It took about 45 minutes to put me back together and then we moved to the recovery room. We were really lucky and had two great nurses before and after the surgery. We (more accurately G) started calling people from the recovery room. I sent a couple of texts but I was pretty out of it.

We finally go to move to our room and I got ill every time we moved the bed. We had to go back to the recovery room three times before we were able to make it up to the 5th floor. The first night was a little crazy. We didn’t get to our room until close to 6pm and the nurse gave Austin his first bath. He loved it. He isn’t a cryer at all. He only cries when he wants/ needs something. A few family members dropped by but it was pretty quiet in our room. G went to get some food for supper and I just sat there holding my little man. He is so gorgeous. I can’t describe the feeling other than to say it is the most awesome emotion that I have ever felt.

Our hospital room was like Grand Central Station. There were always nurses, doctors and visitors there. I didn’t get a moment of peace.

We had hoped to go home on Fri but my blood clotting number wasn’t high enough so they wanted me to stay until Saturday. Saturday came and Austin had lost even more weight. He started out at 8.13 and was down to 7.9. So while I was given to green light to go they were going to keep him. I begged and pleaded to take him home. I was so stressed and so tired that I wasn’t producing any milk and was a complete basket case. We worked out a feeding plan with his doc and agreed to give him formula to supplement him until my milk came in and it was enough to satisfy him.

We finally left the hospital at 5pm and had to go to Walmart on the way home to get my drugs and some formula for Austin. In hindsight I should have written out a list and given it to G but I wanted to pick out the formula and make sure I was comfortable with what we were feeding him. We had a complete dink for a pharmacist and we finally got out of there at 7pm.
We got home and I tried to feed Austin, had a complete melt down at G and then we all went upstairs to nap...

It seems like I've woken up from that nap and Austin is a month old. My family came up from NL for his baptism and I loved seeing them fall in love with my adorable little man. Austin is back up to birth weight and doing so well! Now if I could just get him to sleep through the night!

Happy Thanksgiving weekend!

Yes I have been slack again!

My friends Emily and Gillian held a surprise baby shower for me. I was very surprised. I had no idea. Gordon got me out of the house and when we came home, my friends and family were in my living room. We got a bunch of great items that we needed and my mom sent up the Christening gown that she made from my wedding dress (above). I cried (naturally). It was so much fun!

I finished work on September 19. My BP was climbing and I was exhausted so I finally agreed with my doctor that I needed a break before baby comes. I worked late every night that week trying to get everything in order for Alison. That weekend I spent most of my time sleeping. I was soooo tired!

I spent a week and a bit cooking. I have about three weeks worth of meals in our freezer so that I won't have to bother cooking for awhile after we bring baby home.

The highlight of September was seeing Sir Elton John perform at the Metro Centre. Words can not describe how incredible the show was! Every time he played a song that we play to the Baby, Pumpkin would kick and move around. It was very cool! The next night Drew ambushed Gordon and took him out on the town for go karting and a night of drinking. It's called a Diaper party. They started it with Drew and the whole concept is that the men have to bring diapers to participate. In our case we got a gift certificate to the place where we are going to buy our cloth diapers. It was great. Gordon had a great time out.

Tomorrow we are having turkey dinner at Gordon's parent's house. His brother Stephen is in town. I'm looking forward to meeting him. Should make for an interesting dinner!

Just a few more days to go and Baby Boutilier should be here!!! We are getting so excited!!!

What a weekend!!!

So we picked our nephews up on Friday after work and then went to Rogers to rent them a game each. Tanner picked Lego Indiana Jones and Adam picked Super Mario Smash Brothers. G now wants to buy the Lego games! It was a lot of fun I must admit. Smash Brothers not so much. It was giving me a headache.

We got up on Saturday and made the boys waffles and then we packed them up and headed to the Valley. After an incredibly nutritious lunch at the Golden Arches, we took them to the market and then we hit the orchard. I got some great pics (including my 36 week belly pic) The boys managed to find all the giant apples, which will work in my favour for baking this week and next!

Saturday night we had a good bye party for a coworker in town. That was pretty fun but I was exhausted after the day with the boys so we didn't stay long. I got up a little late on Sunday and had to bake a cake. G was dead set on getting me out of the house by noon so he was trying not to be impatient with me. I took the time that the cake was baking to do my hair and put on some make up...I never do that on Sunday regardless of where we are going but I figured if he had made the effort to plan something I could look nice for him. lol

Cake out of the oven, he promptly took my flip flops out of the closet and said "Let's go!". He took me to Cora's (a popular breakfast place here) and we got seated almost right away (unheard of on a Sunday!) Our waitress was slow and the food was taking forever. I was starting to feel dizzy because I was over heating and I was hungry. Finally our food came and it was pretty good. G still wouldn't give me any details about what was going on. After brunch (It was 1:15 by then) we went to Pete's and got some fruit and then he ran into Shoppers to get a few things. I wandered around the baby store and wanted to buy everything in sight! But I didn't. I really do need to find out if this is a boy or girl before I buy anything else!

G then declared that we had to go home and put the groceries away before we went to part 2 of his planned afternoon. So we get home and I go in with the key (desperate to pee, as usual) and I noticed that the front porch light was on. We never leave lights on...so I yell out to G that a light was on and he tells me to go in. Here I am slowly opening the door scared to death that someone had broken into our house, yet my husband didn't seem to care about sending me in first. I got the door open a crack and noticed that my living room was full of people! My two friends Emily and Gillian had planned a surprise shower for me! My family and friends and a few of G's family were all there. I was shocked! Not so much that they threw a shower for me but more so that they actually managed to surprise me! I always figure these things out...lol.

We got a bunch of stuff off our registry and a glidder rocker, some gift cards and some cash. The best gift of all came from my mom. She couldn't be there (obviously as she is in NL) but she found out about the shower and sent a gift through my aunt. I opened up the box and immediately started to cry. It was the christening gown that my mom had made from my wedding dress. She kept so many of the details I couldn't get over it. It has the rushing in the front and the buttons down the back. The collar is made from the beaded halter and she built some of that detail into the back as well. I couldn't get over how lovely it is. Of course it took me a few minutes to recover before I could say anything. Then we cut cake, had a chat and most everyone went home. Gill and Em had the men bring Graham and Claire over so that was a fun way to end it. The kids loved the balloons that were there. and had a great time running around the house with them! We got the place all cleaned up and then I decorated a cake. Went to bed a little late for a work night and now I am paying for it! Oh well. It was a great weekend....

8 weeks, 2 days to go...we hope...

So I have to admit that I have not been one of those happy, glowing pregnant people consistently throughout this journey. Don't get me wrong. I am in love with this child and am very willing to be uncomfortable to bring our little one into this world, but seriously! come on! Morning sickness has struck again, I can't sleep because I can't get comfortable and I'm so tired that it is only 9:20am and I am ready to go home and go back to bed. I feel sick and over heated. Come on October! Getting my body back will be so terrific!

On a brighter note...Gordon and I had an amazing trip home to NL. We had a couple of lazy days and then two party days and we spent a day in Gros Morne before heading back to Halifax. Mom and Janice hosted a baby shower and we were given a lot of great homemade blankets, some towels, books and a few other things. The wipe warmer was a pretty cool! My mother gave me a book called "Someday". If you have a daughter run out and buy it for her!!! It is the most beautiful book. It is a children's story book but I still can't get through it without crying. Part of it is hormones, part of it is that I really miss having my mom around. It's been very difficult to go through this whole pregnancy without having her physically close by and I am dreading the thought of brining home this delicate little newborn without my mother's help. We tried to time this so that the baby would arrive in the summer and my mother could come up but God had other plans and Pumpkin will be arriving in October instead. I know that I am extremly lucky to have close friends, aunts and my in-laws around but it isn't the same. Some times a girl just needs her mom...

Done!

Finally our house is finished!!! The basement is done, laundry room and half bath are finished, working and have doors. The upstairs is just bedrooms (no misc. boxes in random rooms) and the main floor just has the stuff that belongs there put where it is suppose to be. I am thrilled!!! I am beyond thrilled! It is so nice to come home at the end of the day and not have to face a renovation or a mess. It's great that G can now relax and spend some time with me and the baby.

We are headed to NL in 3 days. I am really excited about the trip home. I may have to wear a tshirt that says rub the belly be destroyed but I can't wait to see everyone. Pumpkin is growing like a weed and is moving around a lot. Pretty great during the day but not so fabulous at night. It's been so humid here. Between the bump and the heat it hasn't been so easy to sleep.

RyLee arrived from Nashville yesterday. Tonight we're all heading to see Mamma Mia. You can guess how excited Gordon is about that considering that he loves musicals and all. (I don't think that was sarcastic enough...) RyLee is around for the whole month so that will be great. On a side note her hubby Clay was performing at a festival where Jessica Simpson was performing and he got to hang out with her!!! I just happen to be a fan and will not be above begging and pleading to get an autograph or a pic and I told RyLee so last night. :P

I need to have a productive day today...I guess that means I should get off my blog and get to work!!

78 days to go!

Okay so expect a lot more countdown posts! Just 78 days (give or take) to go before our little one makes an apperance! Gordon set up the crib in the baby's room and we picked up our travel system last night (thanks mom and dad!). I can hardly believe that in about two weeks I'll be at our baby shower....craziness...


Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! (I know it was on the 23rd but I didn't post that day). I can't believe that you have been married 31 years! I hope that we get to celebrate 31 more anniversaries with you! We love you and can't wait to see you in 8 days!

11 weeks 4 days to go

11 weeks?!? That can not be right...I feel like I have been pregnant forever (in a way I have) I am so tired, my belly is lopsided and by 4pm I will no longer have ankles (It's a daily feature of being preggo the coming attraction apparently is the wide nose that I will get in month 9 according to my coworkers!) The weather is crappy today. It is rainy and dark...perhaps that is perpetuating my mood. Oh well maybe yoga tonight will help.

Boutman house update!!! The basement is finally nearing completion! We can use the room now which is a major bonus. All of the furniture is now back where it is suppose to be. The rest of the rooms in my house now look huge compared to two weeks ago when they were all jammed with stuff. All that is left to do upstairs is hang a few mirrors, pictures and hooks. The baby's room still has some office stuff in there that needs to be sorted, filed or thrown out and then we can get that room organized and the baby's crib set up. Gordon has done such a great job and I am so proud of him!

Gordon and I registered last night for all of the essentials that we will need. I really do not want my house to be busting at the seams with stuff we don't need so we made a list of must haves and consulted with a few friends who recently had babies. Stripped half the stuff off the list and I think we ended up with a good list of essentials. It was still a lot of stuff... thank goodness for baby showers and hand me downs!!!

Other big news: We have tickets to see ELTON JOHN!!!! What a great last date night out before the baby! I am thrilled beyond belief. I love Elton John and I very excited to see his solo show. I'm sure that it will be something quite fantastic.

I'll post the 28 week belly pic soon. I know I haven't done a great job of sharing photos but I have to admit that it has been a real struggle to get used to having this belly in front of me!

And now for a quick game of MASH!

Well...thanks George! I was having a productive day when I took my daily check of your blog...and ended up playing MASH. I ended up with G but I had your man in the mix...oh well maybe I'll have better luck next time! lol

		I will marry Gordon.
		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in miami in our fabulous Shack.
		We will have 3 kid(s) together.
		Our family will zoom around in a Pink echo.
		I will spend my days as a Receptionist, and live happily ever after.

Enjoy the adventure George!

I hope you have a safe trip and that you arrive in the Hat safely. Enjoy the adventure and we will see you sooner rather than later!

Don't forget to run John's head for me!!! :)

4 years later...

I can still remember almost every detail of that day. I had hardly slept I was so excited. I opened my eyes early and decided to get out of bed and shower. I was a bit upset about the rainy weather and prayed that it would clear up in enough time to allow for our pictures to be taken in the Park. My dad's kinsmen buddies had planted flowers and hung hanging baskets in our wedding colour theme so that the gazebo (a tribute to a dear family friend) would be perfect for us.

One of my favorite parts of that morning was waking up my little niece Ani to get her ready for the hair dressers. I'll never forget as my mother was explaining what we were doing that day she said "the party keeps, going and going and going!" and she was so right. That day was a great day. I got to hang out all morning with my three amigos and my mom and some of my new family. I don't remember being overly stressed (I did have to get my Dad to call the DJ to remind him that he was booked for our reception). Before I knew it I was standing in my parent's living room in my incredible wedding dress. I felt amazingly happy. I have never felt so beautiful in my whole life as I did at that moment.

I remember getting to the church and having a few moments in the back with my girls before we all lined up. I couldn't even wait for Ani and Adam to get all the way down the aisle. I wanted to go. I wanted to see Gordon. I will always remember the moment that our eyes met. My heart knew I was right where I was suppose to be and so was he. The ceremony was great, we had a blast getting our pictures done and then we all partied until the wee hours of the morning. It was such a fun wedding.

Later sitting in our hotel room (after our "friends" kicked us out of the party in their room, seriously!) as Gordon was taking the 6 million bobby pins out of my hair, we both just looked at each other. "Good day?" he asked. "The best." was my answer.

Four years have past and I can still say that we had the best day. The best part is we keep having them. The past four years haven't been without their bumps but we always come up. I can hardly believe that this is our last wedding anniversary just the two of us. Next year we will need a sitter (and our basement will be finished!). I am so excited about our life together. I am so lucky to have such and incredible husband.

Happy Anniversary love!

And I have nothing better to do!

So Wednesday G and I had an appointment at the MFM clinic at 3:30pm. Well we didn't get put into an exam room until 4:30 and then around 4:45 a Douggie Howser wanna be. Seriously he was all of 12 with pinstriped jeans, cowboy boots and messed up hair. He announces he is a med student (no kidding, I couldn't tell..you only look like you've just fallen out of a textbook!) looks at my blood work, tells me the same thing twice and then proceeds to check my blood pressure (asking me what he had said it was as he wrote it down on the chart) and then asked "Where do they find the baby's heartbeat?" Seriously...are you kidding me?? At one point he had the doppler on my side up by my ribs...no baby there...what a shock! He finally found pumpkin's heart (150 beats/min...always reassuring to hear that!).

I'm all for this teaching stuff but they shouldn't be unsupervised when they are as dense as this one was...good lord... We waited until 5:30 to see my actual Doc. Found out that the fatigue is not all in my head. My thyroid levels are on the very low end of normal. They are just going to watch it for now. We shall see what happens.

We rush out of the clinic at 5:40 and rush to grab supper with Amanda before rushing back to the Health Cenrte for labour and delivery class. Good lord. I had been taking bets that G would faint during the video...not quite. Apparently I turned white. Never mind that I got home and had a mini melt down. I know that I have to do the whole delivery process, I just really don't want to.

I didn't think I would be this person. The one who doesn't think she can do this whole delivery and newborn thing. I am scared to death about the whole event and my confidence is basically nonexistent... when did I become this person? I used to think that I could do anything and achieve anything and these days I am just not so sure. I'm worried about everything (nothing new there) only this time when I worry I doubt that I can do anything about it.

I need a solution and unfortunately a good stiff drink won't be of much use to me at the moment...

Happy Birthday to me!!!

(My birthday surprise, Laura & I on the Waterfront- Sunday, June 21, 2008 {Great photo Amanda F!})

I am sorry that I haven't written lately. Things have been incredibly busy! I am training one of the girls in our office to take over my job in the fall and we had our AGM on the 19th. The meeting went extremly well and I got quite the surprise when Robbie announced to the room that it was my birthday and the next thing I know I had about 75 people singing "Happy Birthday" to me. It was pretty fun! I had a great birthday song from my cousin Ian when I got home that night too. Gordon had a great surprise for me. I got two new lawn chairs and an ice cream cake (anyone who was wondering what the cake lady has for her birthday.... DQ!)

On Friday I got an even bigger surprise. Drew, Em and little Clare were over visiting and the door bell rang. I went to answer it and was shocked to see my BF Laura standing there. If I was further along the surprise probably would have sent me into early labour!!! She's moving to Alberta pretty soon and I can't even think about how far away she'll be just yet. We spent the entire weekend just hanging out, eating candy (I know...not good for the baby, but oh so good for the soul!), talking and playing Wii. (George get ready because I am going to take you online!) Dr. Mario is now available for download and is incredibly addictive just in case anyone was wondering!!!

Laura left on Monday morning and then Janine was in town so we went out for dinner with her and then just the girls hit the mall. Laura S and Dan are coming tomorrow night for a couple of days and I can not wait to see them.

I really don't know what I am going to do with myself next week after all of these visit are over. I am really enjoying the company. Amanda is moving home and then to Ottawa and then I am really going to be lost. Don't get me wrong, I'm very lucky to have a couple of really great friends here in Halifax who I wouldn't trade for the world. I know I can count on them and they are always around and up for a good time. There is just something about having people around you who know what you are going to say before the words come out of your mouth and answer your question before you ask it. I know that comes with time and I am a person who has a handful of really fantastic friends that have known me for years...over 20 years for Jules and Annette.

Last week at our prenatal class we had to say what we wanted for our child...we all gave the standard answers but as I thought about it more I thought more of the long term and not just when our little one is first here. So here is my list, well at least for the babies friends:

To our little Pumpkin,

May your life be blessed with great friends who will stand by you and stand with you in every thing that you do. Friends who will go on crazy adventures at the drop of a hat and friends that will sit and hug you when you need to cry. Friends who will give you advice and not get angry when you don't listen. Friends who will take on your troubles as if they were their own. Friends who will share in all of your joy. Friends who will send you messages and call when they haven't heard from you in awhile. Friends who will travel for hours to come and visit you. Friends who will listen. Friends who will love you and believe in the person that you are and not try to change you in anyway.

Mommy and Daddy are blessed with such friends and we hope that you will be too.

Okay so that is my babblings for today. I am heading off for a mini stay-cation. I'm off work until next Wednesday. I will let you all in on our adventures...this is looking to be a very busy weekend!

Updates...

So I have been slack...a common theme for me these days. Growing a human, renovating a basement, doing cakes and trying to get ready for the AGM is taking its toll on me. I'm exhausted, I'm cranky and just have not found 5 free minutes for myself, let alone for blogging.

We had a great ultrasound on May 28. Our little one was being stubborn and wouldn't open its hands so we had a good 45 minutes of viewing time. Everything is looking great and I have my guess as to the sex of the baby but I'm not about to rush out and buy a certain colour of anything. I have finally started to feel pumpkin kicking and I think we might have a soccer star on our hands! Being able to feel the baby is making this belly a little more acceptable to me.

Gordon is working so hard on the basement renovations and his drafting that I hardly get to see him anymore. I know that its temporary and it will be great to have the summer together before the baby comes but I can't help but be a little lonely sometimes. Not that I should have time to be lonely but all I can say is thank goodness for marathon phone calls to NB and to A.F for entertaining me last weekend!

8 days until AGM. I think I might go off the deep end before that. So much to do, so little time. Thank goodness for Michelle. I am learning to let go of some control (I know...you are all surprised that I have control issues!) and just let her do some of this work. I'll still be here this weekend working on the speaking notes but by noon next Thursday it will be all over!!! YEAH!!

We start prenatal class tonight and my friend Janine is in town for the evening so I'm going to meet up with her after class is over. I'm challenged this month and I think that a pick me up in the form of a visit from my better design obsessed half!

Congratulations Mr & Mrs Power!

What a wonderful wedding! Brad & Tonya I am so excited for you! You were both beaming all weekend. It was so great t o be able to be there with you to celebrate your wedding. It will probably be a while before I get to see you again but I wanted to say that it was an amazing weekend! (If I can ever figure out how to post pictures on this thing I'll put my favorite picture of teh happy couple up!)

time management

I am officially a fruitbar. I agreed to take on a second cake before I go home this weekend and I still have laundry to do. Last night I baked cake for three hours and tonight I will be decorating like mad, finishing laundy and packing my suitcase. I have to admit that it doesn't sound like much but I'll be decorating for at least four hours and I realized this morning that there aren't very many groceries in the house but I am not going to get a chance to go get any. Poor G is going to have to fend for himself.

I am really looking forward to tomorrow. I fly out at 6pm and I'm home by 8-8:30. I can not wait!!!! Family weddings are always a blast and I am so excited to see everyone. I wish Gordon was coming with me but he is staying in Halifax and working on the basement. One of these days it will be finished....

Going crazy...who wants to join me!

ARGH!!!!!!!

I think I just need to bury my head in a pillow and scream. I am frustrated, I feel fat and I am bored. Not a good combination when your emotional levels are in flux. Is it any one thing...probably not but I still just want to scream. My memory is falling me at every turn and it is incredible frustrating. I am known for my great memory and I can't remember if I mailed something last week or not. I can't remember names, or conversations...it is beyond frustrating.

Honestly, I am very grateful for the miracle that is going on within me but I can't wait until October.

Clearing out the shrubs

So I'm a movie star...we'll at least I'm a Telethon star...I'm being used for my bump in a donor recognition peice. We taped it yesterday and it went really well and the best part was that I got to leave work a few minutes early. Good thing because traffic was horrendous. The Canada USA hockey game took place here in town last night, which made getting out of town a nightmare. Great game, we couldn't get tickets but saw most of the game at home.

Finally got home and got to work on our front yard. We were getting some pretty dirty looks from people walking by who must have known the former owner. We had to rip out the front flower bed because it was up over the siding and causing issues in the basement and I'm sorry but I very strongly disliked the massive bush that was taking over the flower bed in the middle of the lawn. Hopefully I can get the beds put back in place by Friday and I can plant some flowers this weekend. I think it will look a lot better when we're done...and besides it’s our house now. I shouldn't feel like I have to keep things the same just so the neighbours will like us.

I guess taht should lead me to a deeper inside look of why I actually care what the neighbours think but my brain is simply too tired.

What a great weekend! Janice was in town and I got to visit with her quite a bit. I got to see her band play (Gold Standard, Best Overall Band!!!) and I was so proud of my little bassoon (sp?) player!!

I feel so guilty that I have missed so much of her life because I chose to move away to go to school. I treasure the time we do get to have together. Saturday we went shopping and then J and Sarah came out to the house for a visit with G. We played a bit of Wii and then I had to get them back. Sunday was a little empty because I was getting used to seeing my girl every day. Oh well...three weeks and I will be home for a weekend. I can't wait.

Gordon has been working really hard on the basement renovation. The basement has been totally gutted and now, hopefully, it will start to be put back together. It's going to be such an improvement! We'll also keep more heat in this coming winter as the basement will be much more air tight and have better insulation.

And now back to work...

The rain...

Today should be an exciting day because it is Friday and my little sister is in town. I'm really excited that I get to see her. We had dinner together last night and I am going to take her shopping this afternoon and out to dinner again. Tomorrow morning I get to see her band play. I've never seen her play basoon. It will be great. We had a good dr. appointment on Wednesday. Pumpkin's heart was going at about 160 minutes. I gained 6lbs (have to do something about that!)

Yet the rain outside is perfect for my mood. A friend who was due around the same time as me has lost her baby. My heart is breaking for them.

We are thinking of you...

The Cord

We are connected,
My child and I,
byAn invisible cord
Not seen by the eye.

It's not like the cord
That connects us 'til birth
This cord can't been seen
By any on Earth.

This cord does it's work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.

I know that it's there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.

The strength of this cord
Is hard to describe.
It can't be destroyed
It can't be denied.

It's stronger than any cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.

And though you are gone,
Though you're not here with me,
The cord is still there
But no one can see.

It pulls at my heart
I am bruised...I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.
I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can't take it away!

~Author Unknown

You are in our thoughts and prayers. There is no pain on earth like that of losing a child. And people can not comprehend the impact that it has on you. Your child will always be with you and one day you'll get to hold your precious angel in your arms. We love you and are thinking of you and I know that there is nothing that we could say that would make you feel better. So just know we are for you if, when you need us.

1 year ago yesterday!

I'm a bit of a slacker I know...I didn't get on my pc once yesterday so this post is a day behind.

A big Congratulations to RyLee and Clay on their first wedding anniversary! This time last year we were all in Nashville enjoying a great day after wedding brunch and gift opening in nice weather! They had a lovely wedding and we were very fortunate to have been able to travel down and be there for them. ( Now if I could figure out how to post pictures- Insert here...picture of the happy couple!)

I love weddings. There is something so romantic and endearing about two people committing to be together through thick and thin for their lifetime. There have been so many great weddings in the past couple of years. What makes them great is that you can see the love that the two people share for each other and it just radiates through the whole group. At least it does when you are a hopeless romantic like me!

The expanding belly...

Well I'm pregnant and now its getting way more obvious!!! My clothes don't fit and the belly is starting to show. I've been getting these lovely cramps called Round Ligament Pain (RLP for short) and the strech marks have started. Thank goodness they aren't bright red..I think I have good genes to in that department! It's a little odd having something to rest my hands on when I am just puttering around...one of these days its going to make a great book prop!

I'm really torn about finding out what we're having....on one hand I would love to decorate and get ready. One of my best friends is moving away and it would be so fun to be able to talk about the baby by its name with her before she heads out. On theother hand not knowing would probably make labour easier!

Maybe one of tehse days I'll get brave a post a belly pic! (Mine and Gordon's!!!)

Surprise!

So we are in Freddy to celebrate Laura's birthday! I think she was surprised. It should be fun! Everyone is going to drink i and just sent G to the store with a list. If I can't drink I will celebrate with chips! lol I was really proud that I only needed 3 bathroom breaks on the way here!! :)

So here's to Laura, Happy Birthday! So happy we can be here with you!!!

Gov't....ARGH!

So how many change of address forms do you expect to submit before they get it right. I sent in a change of address form when we moved to our new house and then again in October...well they sent my income tax return to my old appartment. It hasn't come back to them yet so it will be another few weeks before I get it. Unreal. I feel like the gov't has a soft spot for me and likes to screw with my finacial plans on an annual basis. I'm going to drop by the appartment building at lunch today to see if it happens to still be there, hopefully yes so that I can get my moola...if not I have to wait for it to be returned...what if they don't return it? This is so frustrtating...the best laid plans.......

Radiothon! Live from the IWK Health Centre

Tune in and check out a bit of what we do! http://www.c100fm.com/

It's our annual Radiothon and it is one impactful event. I had a hard day yesterday because we interviewed a family that I have been following closely on their blog. I haven't read the blog in a month and I found out that the little girl who basically has no immune system but had gotten gene therapy to give her one now has tumors and they aren't sure how they are going to treat her. I cried for I don't know how long. Her mom and I are the same age...it is just such a horrible thing....with our own little one on the way, I'm viewing the stories a bit differently than I have in the past. There are so many wonderful stories too. Kids are remarkable creatures, it's amazing what they can go through and still smile. That smile is why I love these events and why I love what I do.

We had our u/s yesterday afternoon and I was so incredibly happy to see a nice strong heartbeat. The baby is measuring 13-14 weeks so they changed my due date to October 10...I'm still thinking the baby will come closer to the 18th because I'm certain of my dates. It was so nice to see the baby and Gordon was so excited. He is going to be an incredible Dad. It's amazing that this little one is in me...still doesn't feel real but the bump is starting to show so there is no denying it now!!!

Wonderful surprise!

I was finally getting a long overdue haircut last night around 5pm when my cell phone started ringing like crazy. It was my mother! Thanks to the usual tardiness of Air Canada she had missed her connecting flight and would be in Halifax for 5 hours!

As soon as my hair was cut I got to the airport. Mom and I had a great visit. I missed home and my family so much and seeing Mom was a nice push to get me through until my next visit home in May. We had dinner at East Side Marios and then wandered around the mall chatting. It was a great evening. I was sad to drop her off at the airport but I'll take any spare moment I can get with my family. What a great way to change up my week.

On the down side I discovered my feet are swelling already. I waited all winter to wear my awsome red shoes..and by the time I got to the mall with Mom I had to buy a pair of flip flops... seeing teh baby at the ultrasound today had better make giving up my red shoes worth it!!! :p

Where have I been

I know, I know, I know! I have been missing...MIA if you will...all with good reason. My last post was about waiting and a few people called and asked what I was waiting for. Well it was a confirmation that everything in my world is going to change. Everything from the day to day to the deepest thoughts and feelings that I think I know I will experience.

Waiting for news that was negative , then "I think that's negative"....no , no maybe that's a positive...and then the answer that wouldn't be denied. Clear as day...it took the most advance piece of technology that I have ever peed on (at least that is what the commercial said!)..Gordon and I are going to have a baby! A trip to the doctor for bloodwork confirmed the answer that I had been so longing for.

Most people who are trying to start a family are elated when they get the news. We were over joyed and terrified all at the same time. The fear that anything could go wrong and that this baby may not yet be ours was one that was so real to us that we decided only to share the news with a handful of individuals with whom we knew we could confide in should God have a different plan for this baby. It was easier not to blog because I didn't want to spill the beans and let the whole world know my fear.

We started sharing th enews at Easter. We had already seen our little one at an early ultrasound and thought that it would be okay to share the news. Last week we heard the heartbeat for the first time. I never imagined that something so small could have a heart that beat so quickly. It was something incredible to hear.

In two days we go for another ultrasound. I must admit that posting in my blog today makes me nervous...I feel almost like I should wait but if I wait will the fear ever go away.

I realize that the fear will never leave me. It will change and evolve and take on a new meaning. Right now I want more than anything to enjoy the miracle that is taking place in our lives.

We're going to have a baby...how cool is that?!

the Waiting Game Part II

So the waiting is over and I don't like the answers. They are leaving and I'm sad about it. Alberta might as well be New Brunswick for the amount I get to see them but at least the option to visit is there in NB. I'm happy for them because it means so many good things for them....I will miss them so much.

Waiting game

I hate waiting...waiting for things that are out of my control, waiting for decisions to be made, waiting for days to pass.... the thing is I LIKE to be in control. I like to know what is happening when, where and how. I don't relish in uncertainty or the eliment of surprise. Sure surprises are great when they are birthday parties, gifts or special words/gestures from others.

Right now I don't want to wait. I want to know now. Will they go? Will they stay? How many days until we know for sure?

Questions that I don't have answers for...and I can't make the decisions...

Happy Birthday Mom!

Today a very special woman reaches a milestone. My mother has turned 50. I can hardly believe that because I can't relate that age to my mom. Now adays it isn't considered old but my mother has a spirit that is ageless. She is dedicated to her family, to her work and to her students. She gives so much of herself to others and deserves to be given so much in return.

Like many people I always said that if I won the lottery I would send my parents away on a dream vacation and that they would never have anything to worry about again. While I haven't hit the financial lottery I am rich in so many other ways and I have to thank my parents for that wealth. My mom is an extrodinary woman and I hope that one day when I'm a mom my kids will love and admire their grandmother as much as I do. If I can be half the mom to my kids as she has been to me then they'll be alright.

So Mom, I'm raising my coffee mug to you and wishing that I could be home for your special day. Enjoy your gift and we'll be home as soon as we can to celebrate with you.

The importance of cake

Cake..a food or a corner stone of celebration?

I think of it as an absolute necessity for each and every celebration. My earliest memories are of me sitting on a chair watching my mother decorate cake and then teaching me how to do it. I clearly remember my 3rd birthday. The party was outside and it was a fantastic summer day. My mom brought out her latest creation- a cake that was a clown holding a HUGE lollipop. I don't remember everyone that was there but I remember the warmth of the sun and my mom brining out the cake. What is a birthday without a cake that was designed just for the birthday bor or girl? What is a wedding without a cake that reflects the couple? It could be laid back cupcakes for the relaxed not to serious folk or an elegant fondant covered creation for those that want to impress.

It's amazing to me that simple ingrediants like egg, sugar, flour, butter and vanilla can turn into a clown, animal, car...the possibilities are endless and are only limited by the imagination of the creator. Cake makes people smile and fills a desire for something sweet, a hope of something spectacular and the joy that someone though of them.

This coming weekend I'm entering a creation into a cake contest based on literature. I have a vision in my head and I hope that I can bring it to life. My cake will be dedicated to my Aunt Marie who introduced us to Harry Potter and to my mom, little sister and friends who can't seem to get enough and will re-read the books for many years to come.

From your lips....

Fine George!

Life is interesting isn't it? A person can work their ass off thikning that hard work= rewards and that doesn't always happen. People can do everything humanly possible and bad things will still happen. The hardest part is that their isn't always someone to blame. Maybe that isn't the hard part, no the hard past is ACCEPTING that their is no one to blame. Blame obsolves people of their responsibility and allows the to direct their anger somewhere.

The winter blahs gave way to a pick me up this week. My friend was in from NL for work so we got to spend some time together. G calls us carbon copies even though I think we are very different. It was great fun and put me in a good mood. It makes me sad that so many of my closets friend live away.

humm...I think I'm having a pity party.

blah blah blog

So I don't know if I'm writing to myself or if others are reading this...I almost feel like its trite to have a blog that you are not completely honest in...who are you lying to? Yourself? others? what is the purpose? Is it because you only want people to know what you want them to know..are you afraid of how they will react to the truth? What really is the truth? Who are you afraid of hurting? Who will you really hurt.

Honesty...honestly it should be the best policy but is it always? Do white lies exist to protect yourself and others or is it all just a lie and it protects no one. Do you want to post it and out it out there or are you afraid of the perception, of "what will others think"?

Who am I taking to? me? you? no one? everyone?