I struggle to understand how everything could seem so wonderful and happy only to have my heart utterly shattered completely out of the blue and putting it back together is a very slow and painful process.

June 1, 2018 started like any other day. I got up, packed lunches, morning scramble out the door, dropped kids off with hugs and kisses and wishes to have a great day and then I drove to work. Turned my computer on and did my tasks, the day exactly like the day before it. My phone on silent but face up on my desk in case the school called. Every day my phone sits face up on my desk. On June 1, it rang. My friend called.

My friend called.

She did not text, she called.

My heart sank and I knew.

I picked it up and she said his name and I knew. The sound of her voice and the weight of her words still sit on my heart. Every moment of that conversation sits on my heart.

Her sweet, amazing Noah had passed away unexpectedly in the night. I don't know how long we spoke. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that we sat in silence because there are just no words that can make a mother, a friend, feel anything other than grief and disbelief.

I still can't wrap my head around how suddenly life changed. He had been here at our house not even a week before playing with our kids, playing in our yard, sliding down the playhouse slide and making funny faces in our traditional couch picture.  We had talked about their next trip, hugged and kissed and loved and laughed. The very last thing that would ever have crossed my mind was that this would be his last visit to our home.

Noah was an amazing little boy with CHARGE syndrome. Laura and John were his advocates and did so much to ensure that he had the best life and helped educate others about their special boy and the CHARGE community.

In the days, weeks, month since Noah has been honored by his family, his school and his community. The people who surrounded my friends and their children with love and generosity in the days immediately following the call restores my faith in the good of the world.

Telling my children that their friend had gone to be with Jesus was hard. Walking through the weeks before my trip to visit them was hard, because while every fiber of my being wanted to jump on a plane that evening, I knew that when the family and friends cleared out after the service my friend would need space and then she would need me. The blessing of having friends for decades is that you know them well and sometimes you just know what the other needs.

Getting to the other side of the country was more stressful than it needed to be. Broken planes, delays, terminal changes- my anxiety grew but I made it.  Holding myself together to be strong for them was hard. I landed and spent four love and grief filled days being called "Hey you girl!" and "Wisa" by some of my favorite tiny humans. We had a birthday party and dance parties, nap times and silent understanding, tears, hugs and laughter. What was not hard was being with her, with them. The hard is found in the weight of how their life had changed forever and that I could do so very little to carry that burden for them. The hard is knowing I can't fix it, change it or even make a small dent in healing them.

For months I have checked on my littles in their sleep. This is so ridiculous to a rational mind but anxiety is never rational. My anxiety about their safety has gone up. Dealing with the irrational fear that something could happen to my babies and with the internal guilt of not being able to be with my friends, not being able to just bring their sweet boy back and make it better has been like sacks of sand on my shoulders. I have struggled with what to share on social media because I question if my words are coming out "right".

In reality nothing will ever be as hard as what they are walking through each and every day.

If you know a family walking through grief know that you can never fix it. What you can do is be kind.

1. Fill their freezer with food (easy, ready to reheat meals)
2. Clean their home or send a gift card for a service. 
3. Offer to take their children to the park or offer to stay with them so parents can get out. 
4. Be there when they need you. 
5. Let them know they are loved and never, ever forget about their child. Remember them, share the pictures that you have of them, make a plan to honor them. 

This is not the post I sat down to write but this is what poured out of my heart. Noah we loved you so much and we're trying our best to watch over your people from a far. We love you all so much. 

You're going to Disney!!! (Now what?!)

Congratulations! You've made the decision to dive full on into the craziness and plan a trip to Disney. Or maybe you just want to know about my full fledged plunge into an entire world I had no idea existed- the Disney planner people.

The day I clicked purchase on our Disney park tickets was awesome! I felt pure elation because we were finally taking our kids to Disney and some of my family was coming with us! I reveled in that joy and elation. I sent a picture of the screen to G, my mom,  my sister and a couple of others. Not going to lie...I shed a tear. Those of you who know me well know that one of my more endearing qualities is the ability to cry through every range of emotion. So I sat in my office chair on my lunch break and cried tears of joy that I was making this dream come true, that we had worked hard at my design business and were paying cash to make this dream come true.

And then the panic hit. Where do I even start? Oh, and we were keeping this top secret from my kids just for an added layer of excitement and to complicate the planning process just a little.

Trust me, planning a trip to Disney can go so many ways. You can just book the whole thing online and wing it or you can plan the shit out of each and every day. I'm happy to say I rescued myself from going full on into Disney over plan mode and we ended up being an almost perfectly planned trip for our family.

(FYI- the perfect trip involves a lot of Mickey Bars)

Doesn't matter if you plan to keep the trip a secret from your kids like we did or if you plan to fully engage them in trip prep. The VERY FIRST think you need to do is-

1. Book Your Trip

I was making arrangements for 8 people so we used a travel agent to help us with the travel and accommodation logistics. I am so grateful that we went that route. Sure I could have done all of that myself- but I'm not a travel expert so I was happy to have the help. Debbie got us a great travel package with Sunwing that included flights, rental home in a gated community and rental cars for a very reasonable price. We decided not to stay on property because there were so many of us and because we knew the parks would be very busy when we would be there which meant higher prices and no solitude. Our house had a pool and Jacuzzi and was located on a quiet street. It was really relaxing to be able to find some quiet at the end of each day. I'm not sure my anxiety would have been quiet so well managed had we not had that retreat away from all the people and the excitement of the parks.

Do you know how many Disney trip planning sites, blogs and Facebook groups there are out there? Hundreds! It is so easy to get overwhelmed (like I did) and just walk away with the thought "Frig it! I'll show up and see what happens!" Please don't do that...you'll spend your whole day in a line and not get to enjoy anything.

Fans everywhere! Great for cooling down when you have to wait in a line...

So dear reader, this brings me to step 2-

2. Talk to your friends who have been there

Luckily I have a few friends who have been to the parks. I discovered completely by accident that someone I've known for many years is a full on Disney fanatic (he hid his Disney infatuation well lol) Next thing I knew I had a full list of websites, podcasts and logistical information. I've reduced the list to the ones I found most helpful:

The Mouse for Less- This site has a ton of Disney news and info about the parks. We were going at Easter and I was able to find good info about what was happening in the parks over the holidays here. I was also added to the Facebook group and got quick answers to my questions from them.

Dad's Guide to Walt Disney World- Crowd calendar here was really useful and he had some good tips for planning fastpass and enjoying the trip.

Disney in Your Day- Becky's Disney blog is a fun read. Disney info, food reviews and park news.

Now, to be fair, I read way more than 3 blogs. I filled a Pinterest board with links and ideas. I overwhelmed myself with information. Friends, don't do that to yourself. Find a couple of resources that you like and stick with them. Most of them share the same info with just a slightly different perspective. You have to decide what type of vacation you want to have and what will work for your family.

Smiles, fun, adventure, laughs- basics covered!

Talk to your vacation friends and decide-

3. Decide what kind of Disney experience you want to have

Travelling with 8 people who all have different crowd tolerance levels made planning a little bit of a challenge. Especially for a gal who gave everyone in my life an itinerary broken down in to 15 minute increments for my wedding day. The more I read and the more I looked at the crowd calendars, the more I can to terms with a strict schedule was not going to fly in my post baby life. I opted for a more relaxed plan of attack- Pick three things to do, pick one direction to move around the parks and enjoy every moment.

This sounds pretty simple. You can pre-book 3 FastPasses, so my plan was space the passes out, start at the first one and then head towards the second. There proved to be a few flaws with the plan in a park or two but I'll get in to that later. As an overall strategy it worked really well. Those flaws resulted from failure to do the next step-

4. Book your dining!!! 

You've booked your vacation? Awesome! Now look at the calendar, count back 180 days and set an alarm. Go do it now...I'll wait...got it done? Great now when that alarm goes off you will log in to My Disney Experience and BOOK YOUR DINING. By the time I figured out what parks we would be in on what days, EVERYTHING was booked. It was also Easter, and US spring break so reserved dining was very difficult to come by. You will need a break. A sit down lunch would have been a great break in each park.

Why hello footlong hot dog that fed two!

5. Book your Fast Passes

Seems easy enough right? Nope! This is a game of strategy and if you aren't staying on resort you only get to book your passes 30 days out from your visit. Oh and did I mention that you'll need to do this multiple days in a row. Again set your alarm for 7am EST 30 days before your first park day. Log in and see what's available and then get what you can get. I have to say we were pretty lucky as I was booking passes for 8 people and I got most of the attractions we wanted to do together. The beauty of this is that if you don't get the time you'd really like for an attraction you can always rope drop (get to the park before opening) and head to that attraction first, release your fast pass while in line and book something else.  People change their plans so passes can open up last minute.We did this for the Safari at Animal Kingdom, released the afternoon pass and my sister and brother in law were able to get on another ride they wanted to do later in the day.

The Safari first thing in the morning was awesome! 

So those are the basic 5 things that I found really helpful in planning our trip.  I know you want more details and pictures, they are coming!

It all started with a mouse...

Actually I think it all started at the Disney Store that used to be in Mic Mac Mall.

I was shopping with my sweet little 18 month old Oz and we wandered into the Disney store. There was an enormous display of stuffed toys at the front of the store and before I knew it, my sweet boy had Buzz Lightyear grasped firmly in one hand and Sheriff Woody solidly connected to the other. I can't recall what I was looking for in the store that day, but I can still clearly see in my memory my little boy's face as he talked to 'Uzz and 'Oddy and ignored the rest of the toys around him. I had no intentions of buying any new toys that day, in fact I'm pretty sure my budget didn't have room for me to spend any extra money. When it was time to leave the store, I looked at my boy and he looked at me with hope and joy in his eyes, and I immediately got in the lineup to buy the toys.

We walked out of the store with Oz squeezing his two new best friends under one arm while his little hand was wrapped my fingers. His smile was so wide and my heart was so full. It still fills my heart when I remember every detail firmly implanted in my brain and my heart of that experience. And Buzz and Woody went everywhere with our family for many years.   When Oz was little Mickey Mouse Club house and Cars were also part of the heavy Disney rotation in our home. His 2nd birthday was a Mickey Mouse party and I often wondered if the day's Mystery Mouseketool could be wine for me. Toy Story, Toy Story 2 and Toy Story 3 have been watched a million times over in our home. And you had better believe when little sister joined the crew, she received a Jessie and Bullseye from her big brother.

Amelia, like many little girls, loved the princesses. More specifically, she loves Cinderella. She loves the movie, she loves her doll, she loves dressing up and pretending to be 'Ellerella. At her 2nd birthday party, the first toy she opened was a Lego Cinderella with carriage and horse. She wouldn't open anything else and insisted that we open the toy, build it and from there she ignored everyone and everything else to play with her beloved 'Ellerella. A dream is a wish your heart makes was sung every night as part of her bedtime routine, to this day when she needs a little extra comfort at bedtime she'll ask for it and I've often caught her singing it to her dollies over the years .

The year she turned 3, she requested to be Cinderella and I found the best costume at Costco, complete with wig, tiara and Fairy Godmother wand. I'd love to say I was Fairy Godmother, but let's face it, I was a hot mess at the time and was lucky to get her costume pinned up and tied up (it was about four sizes too big for her) before heading out to trick or treat. I remember all of that in detail. Especially the smile on her face as she twirled around and proclaimed to everyone who would glace her way that she was 'Ellerella.

Those displays of sheer joy from my two kids created a desire to give them more of that. I don't mean to give them more material items, that isn't to say we don't have our fair share of Disney princess dress up, barbies, stuffies, CARS toys, clothes, slippers- you name it. I wanted them to feel that happiness and to have more memories to store in their hearts to call on. I've had a few dark days in my time and I am acutely aware of the need to have a dream and to have joyful memories to help pull you through. 

It has always been my dream to take my kids to Disney. I have written down my dreams and goals many times over the years, and a number of them change and evolve overtime, but taking the kids to Disney has always stayed on the list. This year we finally made that wish come true.

This post has gotten a little long. I can clearly see that I'm going to have to split this up into many posts. I felt that it was important that you know where the dream started, so you can understand why I approached planning for the trip the way I did, why I made all the Disney extras (tutorials will be included!) and why it was so important to me to make this happen.

So it really  all started with Buzz, Woody, Cinderella and a dream.

Planning, perfection and being purposeful

I can make a plan like nobody's business, and I know it drives other people nuts. I love a plan. I love lists and tasks and I carry my planner with me practically everywhere I go. Writing things in my planner makes me feel like I'm being purposeful in how I spend my time.

There is something about the brain dump that comes when I write things down. I tried using google calendar, Cozi and a few other apps to keep everything easily accessible and easily shareable but it just wasn't working. My brain still felt like it was swimming all the time. A few years ago I ordered an Erin Condren LifePlanner * based on a recommendation from a friend and I loved it! It's a bit more expensive because of the Canadian exchange rate, the shipping and the duties I seem to end up always paying since the dollar took a tumble a couple of years ago- but I haven't found one I like as much and, frankly, if I'm going to use something every single day I had better love it.


I use my planner to keep track of all the kids activities, my design business, my coaching and fitness programs. I like to make it look pretty and I keep all my reminders there- and still I don't have all my shit together.

I  was having a great chat with a friend the other night and I was admiring her dedication to getting to the gym every day and that I just couldn't seem to get my shit together to get back into it. She remarked that I was the most organized person that she knows and I told her it's all an illusion. Okay maybe not all of it. On one hand I feel super organized, I've got my budget, schedule and to do's in one place. On paper I am perfectly organized and moving forward. Real life is often another story.

Sure I've gotten much better at being on time, no one has missed an activity yet and orders and business tasks are done on time. Having a party? those boxes all get checked and things usually go off really well even if I have to take a few short cuts or prioritize and drop things off the lists. My house is clean because I have a husband who keeps on top of it and we have someone come in every 2 weeks to get to the nitty gritty that I never have time to do (It's heaven and WAY cheaper than a divorce) and my stress level goes way down after I get everything down on paper. We even manage our monthly budget and keep track of upcoming household expenses that we need to plan for in my planner.

My real challenge is in following through when the goal/task is focused on me or something I want. How many of you can relate to that? It's all about what our children need or what others need and there is very little fuel left in the tank after those obligations are met. I've lost track of how many times I have written that I'm turning a new leaf and putting myself first. I preach about self care and  I have this mental block that comes into play whenever I start to focus on me. I've always had this nagging voice in the head that holds me back, whose fear of failure keeps me from pushing past my comfort zone, I get out of it for awhile but then when I start to see real progress and things start to get uncomfortable instead of propelling me forward fear takes hold and I start to slip into old habits. It's sad really, I know what I need to do, I can help others get there but getting myself there is taking time. I need to stop getting in my own way.

I did a vision board webinar this week and I have plans to sit down this week and actually make a vision board. I need to take action and drastically improve my time management in order to finish projects for me (hello- Christmas quilt of 2015- I'm coming for you).

One other thing I'm going to accomplish this weekend is finishing my office area organization. I dare you to find a crafter who's office didn't look like the pre-IKEA white boxes image right after the Christmas rush. I got it 90% there the first weekend of January- it still sits unfinished because I've had other stuff to do- a hockey tournament, orders, school stuff for the kids. No more excuses! I'll get it done and show you the proof next week!

Wish me luck!

*if you use my referral link to make a purchase from Erin Condren, I receive a $10 referral bonus*

Moving forward in 2018

I'm thrilled that I have given the blog a new look! I hope you like it as much as I do. I still have some setting up to do but this is a very busy time of year for me and I decided to stop putting off posting until... until the blog is perfect, until I'm not busy, until I know exactly what to say. I kept putting off our family photos until I lost weight, but I came to the decision that that was stupid so I booked them and I was so so happy with them! So hey if family pictures can turn out without things being perfect, maybe writing again would be okay too.

I'm starting 2018 with a refreshed list of "to dos". I do have goals and those are more specific and measurable and I'll share those at another time. My intentions will remind me to keep moving forward to continue to embrace change and be mindful to live my best life, not the best life everyone else wants to live. We've got some big things coming in 2018 but it's the little things that make each day better.



I've been inspired by Kelle Hampton's categories for my own list- to help keep it more organized :)

Be Present- Make ever day count
Take a technology break- (I'm going to buy an alarm clock and keep my phone away from my bedside too!)
Read and play classic games with our kids

Do a 5 minute meditation
Read a book every month and highlight something meaningful
Write hand-written letters and notes to family/friends who live away

Be Healthy and ActiveCarry a water bottle, keep it full and drink it frequently
Workout 5 times per week (Hubby and I are starting with T25 and I want to do 80 Day Obsession)
Say “No” to sugarGo for a run with the familyLead the kids in a fun workout with musicYoga/stretch sessionGo for a bike ride with the familyTake kids to tennis courts (seriously it's down the street- I have no excuse!)

Be Social
Do an “I’ll bring you dinner some night/you bring me dinner some night” swap
Have a family over for dinner
Reach out to someone new
Organize a book club (even if it’s just for one book)

Be Creative
Art afternoons with kids and display the finished products
Make an inspiration board
Write more! This blog needs some love and attention :)
Find new family activities that involve getting creative
Finish the Christmas quilt (started 2 Christmases ago...)

Feather the Nest
Rearrange a room
Make the bedroom a retreat
Organize the office and make the basement cozier
Finish the rooms- pull together the finishing touches that I keep putting off)
Buy fresh flowers and arrange small bouquets around the house

Be a Learner
Read a new non-fiction book
Sign up for an online course
Watch a TED talk
Find a new informative podcast

Be Responsible
Clean out e-mail box
Unsubscribe to e-mail lists I don't love (I've already cleared out 15 newsletters and it feels so good to free my inbox!)
Sit down with G weekly to check in on our budget and calendar so we can reach our goals quicker
Cross off two to-do’s from my procrastination list 

Have Fun!Have fun whenever possible, don't take everything so seriously!
Take a vacation
Try a new hairstyle

I'll revisit this list throughout the year, not only to keep you up to date but also to keep me accountable to moving forward.