It has been a hard summer. You've all read about my stress and troubles so I won't repeat the details. I just want to say thank you so much to our friends and family who have been there for us through it all. Thank you so much for your time, for listening and for helping me relocate my rose coloured glasses.

Back in February we had booked a cottage with good' friends and I have been looking forward to our stay on the beach ever since. Coming back from Newfoundland this last time I was counting down the days until our cottage retreat. I desperately needed to recharge and spend some quality time with my family without the worries and stress of the past three months.

We packed up and headed to Cambra Sands on shore of the Northcumberland Straight for the long weekend. I literally felt my stress melting away as we drove up to our cottage right on the beach.

I had been dreaming of this moment for months!



View of sunrise from our cottage



We spent our weekend exploring the tidal pools, catching "kermit" crabs, crabs, clams, little shrimp and finding all the best seashells.

Boys had a good time!

Amelia's toes went for their first dip in the ocean.

Doesn't she look impressed?

I nursed her watching the sunrise and I remembered all the great times that I had at my grandparents' cottage when I was little, running down to the beach, watching the sun come up with my Nanny and all those campfires. We had to share this campfire but the ooey gooey memories were worth it!

I am cherishing those great days with our friends. After all, the glass is half full!!

Three months

She's growing so fast! I can hardly believe that it's been 3 months and 3 days since she arrived in our lives.

Missing- Return needed

My rose coloured glasses are missing. I lost them somewhere after Amelia was born and the summer of bad news began. I have to admit that the last three months have been beyond rough and despite having many moments of joy and enjoyment I am down. It's been hard to see the brighter side when friends have lost loved ones, people we know are sick and my own family has had a number of blows. I'm in a funk and am in need of a pick me up.
Leaving home is never easy and knowing it is most likely going to be awhile before I am back is hard. Before we left town we paid a visit to my Grandfather. I fixed the flowers on his grave and we said a prayer. Austin noticed I was crying and asked me what was wrong. I told him that I missed my Poppy. He gave me a big hug and told me that my Poppy would be right back and that will make me happy. He is right and that cheered me knowing that G and I are raising such a sweet boy. For a moment I thought I had found my glasses, but then we headed back to the house and packed up. As we pulled out of the driveway, my view was more pessimistic as it always is when I leave not knowing when we are coming back.

Don't get me wrong, we had a great visit with family and friends and knowing that we will see them again at Thanksgiving makes it a bit easier to leave but still it takes me time to get over it. I try to think on the positive side but I really dislike that most of my family is so far away from me and my babies. This blog remains a place where I try to post pictures and updates to keep friends and families up to date and for me to occassionally lament when I'm down.

In the next few days I will post pictures and our Newfoundland adventures but forgive me for being down. I'm looking for my glasses. If you've seen them, I'll reward you with cake pops for their return....

Waiting to exhale

There comes a moment when you just have to exhale. To let your body release the breath that it is desperately holding in, believing that if it stays put the world will not be changed and realize that letting it go will not change the reality but give the new breath a chance to make things better.

Today we exhale...

The past few days have been a blur. Within 24 hours of the phone call saying the words no one truly expected or wanted to hear, we were all either home or on route. We gathered at Nan and Pop's house for dinner and told stories about Pop and talked about the coming days and what to expect. We had one day of visitation before the funeral and a day in between before the burial.

Pop sent us all the signs that he had arrived. Mom had asked him to send sunshine when he arrived in heaven. On Saturday we had sun...the first sun that Corner Brook had seen in awhile. Today it rained. According to my Mom that was a sign that he was at peace. Well he certainly must be at peace because it poured while we were at the cemetery this morning.

The funeral was a perfect tribute to him. The readings were perfectly fitted and as I read the words "I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race" I couldn't help but choke up knowing that Pop lived life to the fullest and never gave up. He lived his life with no regrets and thanked God each and every day for his blessings. Pop was a man with a solid, strong faith that guided his life. He was an exceptional man and I certainly hope that I do him proud.

After the burial, we gathered at my parent's home before people started to say their goodbyes and return to their "normal" lives. I don't feel like that is the right word. New normal might be better. Pop was the head of my mom's family. He was the calm in the storm, the rock when strength was called on. He guided his children and he took so much joy in his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I know that he was pleased that we were all here.

Erin is missing but we have lots of pictures proving she was here.



I will never forget our weekends at the cabin, our visits and outings or the way that he lit up when he held my children. I hope that I can keep his memory alive for them.

Farewell Poppy

Walter John Wall

February 4, 1924 - August 11, 2011

It is with great sadness that the family of the late Walter John Wall, a man of strong devotion to his family, faith and fraternity (Knights of Columbus) announces his passing at the Western Memorial Regional Hospital on August 11, 2011 at the age of 87 years.

He leaves to mourn with fond and loving memories the love of his life for 58 years Theresa (Byrne), children: Greg (Cecilia Taaffe) of Ottawa, ON, Mary Lou Martin (Paul) Of Lower Sackville, NS, Helen Coleman (Paul) of Corner Brook, NL, Clare Hewlin (John) of Deer Lake, NL, Colette Noseworthy (Jerome) of Dartmouth, NS, Frances Marie (Gerard Whitty) of St. Johns, NL, Dr. John (Barbara Cartwright) of Ottawa, ON, grandchildren: Natalie, Erin (David), Laura, Patrick, Mark (Bernice), Lisa (Gordon), Janice (Jordan), Sarah Lynn (Evan), Leslie (Matt), Jonathon (Victoria), Andrea (Greg), Ashley (Joel), Lachlan, Skylar, great-grandchildren: Ani, Austin, Amelia, His only sister Frances Squires of Dracut, MA, brother and sister in laws: Kevin Byrne, Jim Byrne (Margaret), Ula Byrne, Shelia Byrne, and Myrtle Byrne and a large number of nieces, nephews and friends. He is predeceased by his parents: John and Mary Wall, In-laws Joseph and Louise Byrne.

The family would like to extend a sincere thank you to Dr. David Coleman for his dedicated and compassionate care, to nephews Dr. Michael O’Reilly and Hon. Gerry Byrne for their support especially during his most recent illness, also to the staff of the Ottawa General Hospital and Western Memorial Hospital 3rd Floor. Visitation will take place at Country Haven Funeral Home 167 Country Road on Sunday, August 14, 2011 from the hours of 2-4 & 7-9 P.M. Funeral service will take place at Most Holy Redeemer Cathedral, Mount Bernard Ave. on Monday, August 15, 2011 at 10:30 A.M. with Monsignor Gale officiating. Cremation to follow and internment will take place at a later date. As expressions of sympathy donations may be made to the Western memorial Regional Hospital (Cardiac Care), Holy Redeemer Parish or charity of ones choice. The guest book or memorial donations may be made by visiting our website at www.country-haven.ca

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."

We love you Pop and will always have the joy of your memory in our heart.

Frozen Cherry "Mojitos"

I'm not sure that it can be called a mojito if it doesn't have mint but man it was good! I am newly addicted to My Baking Addiction and have been trying out recipes as often as I can. This woman knows what she is doing and I'm so pleased that she's imagining and creating all these things because I don't have the creative juices in me at the moment to do so.

Cherries were on sale at Superstore so I picked them up not knowing what I would do with them besides add some variety to our fruit selection. I remembered a post for the Frozen Cherry Mojito that I saw when I was making the raspberry lemonade and knew it was time to sit down and have a drink, these looked too good to pass up and I am so happy that I made them.

Do you see the frost on the glass? Oh so good!

A friend (who shall remain nameless) forgot the freshly picked mint at home, so we improvised and were very pleased with the results!

Frozen Cherry "Mojito"- adapted from My Baking Addiction

2 cups frozen cherries
1 cup white rum
2/3 cup simple syrup
Zest and juice from one lime
ice

Put ingredients in a blender and combine. Garnish with lime slices and whole cherries and serve right away. Enjoy!

Campfire!

Last Friday night we had our first fire with our new campfire! (Thank you Mom and Dad) We invited a few friends over to share in the fun. It was a great night.

gooey goodness!

S'mores are fun. And why just have plain chocolate when you can do some many more fun things like york peppermint paddies, Caramilk bars, Reese Peanut Butter Cups, Celebration cookies....and I am sure that we can find a few more things to melt on graham crackers with gigantic campfire marshmallows!!

 

Just wanted a plain marshmallow

diving in to the gooey goodness!

yup, I'm eating the first s'more

Curling up and relaxing near the fire

 We had campfires on Friday and Saturday night and were so happy that friends could join us to enjoy it with us...now if only we could send our rain to the people who needed it and then we could sit out again. This weekend's weather report is looking promising and I am excited to spend some more quality time by the fireside.

To Grandma's House We Go

In July, Amelia had her first trip to Newfoundland. It was an adventure getting there and the kids just did not settle until the last day or so but I am so very glad that we went.

Poppy met his new girl. Mom had met Amelia in the airport on her way back from Ottawa but my Dad still hadn't had the chance. It was so lovely to see him with her!

I wanted more than anything for my grandfather to meet his newest great grandchild and he did. His face lit up when I brought her in the room and he was so happy to see her.  All our love and prayers are in Newfoundland right now and I'm praying for a miracle for our family. It has been a rough few months and we are still unsure of how it will all work out but any and all positive thoughts and prayers are welcome!

Austin provided some much needed comic relief. He was all out of sorts but he had moments where his true spirit came through.....and don't you just dig the sunglasses!

Wordless Wednesday

And finally...some smiles!

Busy Weekend

As usual the weekend came crashing into the end of our week and I was so happy to see it. Friday started out wonderfully. Austin was very well behaved and we made it through a trip to Avery's and the Superstore with no drama, no tantrums and the only crying was done by Amelia.  The moment we stepped through the door of our home a switch flick and Austin did everything he could to drive me crazy. Every word went in one ear and out the other and after 4 hours of this I called G and told him I would pick him up early if he could manage it. Thankfully he could and the extra set of hands help bring some sanity to my world.

Saturday morning was a fresh start.I was up at 6:40 and made muffins and raisin oatmeal cookies and enjoyed my first cup of coffee before 7:30am. The rest of the house stirred around 8 and we started our day.  We cleaned and played with our littles. We didn't leave our house. Late naps meant a late night and Sunday morning came sooner than I could imagine.

Sunday was a day for adventure. We began our day with diapers on the line. I know that doesn't sound like much of an adventure...but I'm a bit of a dork and clean diapers hung on the line to dry in the sunshine makes me happy, especially when they have been hung by my hubby :)



Oh the colours you get when you have a girl!

Then we headed into Windsor to meet friends for some fun on the miniature trains. If you have never been here you have to check it out!!! So much fun and it is by donation so you pay what you can afford. The old guys who put this off are a hoot.

After a picnic lunch, we headed back to the city and ended up at my Aunt's house for a swim in her pool. It was crazy hot and a dip in the pool was just what the doctor ordered. Austin swam all by himself and was daring and showing no fear as he lept from the edge of the pool into the water (no worries, daddy was close by). And there Miss Amelia took her first swim!

"Look Mom1 I swim all by myself!"

She looks sad but she really did enjoy the water...

All tuckered out from the swim.

Today was a low key day. We were suppose to go to Moncton to spend the day at Magic Mountain but I was exhausted and was happy to spend the day at home. We lingered in bed until 8:30,a rare and wonderful treat. We set up Austin's personal pool and then had friends over for a BBQ. A great night with a part of our village.

The water was a tad bit cool....

Keeping ice cream away from Madden

Yeah, I'm chill

Crazy chocolate covered boy.

The only thing that could have made this night better was a campfire. Austin is now settled into his bed for what I am hoping will be a nice long sleep. Miss Amelia is waiting to be cuddled and loved to dream land. I'll try to catch up on pictures and updates this week... as soon as my laptop cable arrives from Newfoundland :) In the meantime there really isn't anything better to end this post with than patio lanterns...





Out of the Mouth of babes...

Earlier this evening:

Me: "okay Austin. It's time to say our prayers and then we're going to sleep. Now I lay me-"

Austin: "NONONONONONONO! I do it! Now we sit and sofwy say fank you for Amewea, for my mommy and daddy and for my baby sister. Haymen!"

Me (laughing a little at how cute he said his prayer): "That was a good prayer sweetheart, Momm-"

Austin: "I not sweat heart! I Austin Walter Paul BOOTWIER! Mommy you need to go to sweep now so Austin can grow and get his pool back and Toy Story 3 back and go pway wif his buddy Kieren tomorrow."

And the above conversations are the very reason I haven't given him away yet! And yes, I can spell. Read it how it is and you'll pretty much hear what I did this evening.




Gotta love him!!



Seriously?! A month old already?

I'm sorry but where in the heck is the  time going?! I just blinked and my newest baby is a month old already. How is this happening? Life is so full these days and I love it but I need to remember stop and drink it all in before a moment flies by that I miss.

Amelia turned 1 month old on the 3rd of July. She's already getting so big ( and by big I mean that with a fuzzy bum she fits into her 0-3month onesies!). Here is her first Watch me grow picture:

It has been a very busy month for Miss Amelia. She's been on her first playdate, first trip to the beach (sort of), first Birthday party, first Canada Day, first movie, first trip to the airport and first girl's night. These will all get their own posts as soon as I can get them written. Austin didn't have this much accomplished in month one because I was way to scared to take him anywhere and I didn't have any friends who were at home at the same time I was.

If June is any indication, it's going to be a busy year!

From 1 to 2

This month has been crazy! A good crazy, but crazy none the less. A few friends warned me that going from one child to two is insanely hard. I thought they were exaggerating..apparently not. The thing is that while you have this new little in the house, you still have the first born child expecting the same level of attention as before. It's stressful trying to fill the needs of two little people at the same time, thankfully at least one of them can tell me what they need (when they aren't too busy fake crying...oh they joys!)

It has been taking quite awhile to feed Amelia. Poor little peanut had a tongue tie and as a result wasn't able to nurse or take a bottle very well, so she was having trouble gaining weight. Her pediatrician referred her to one of the two doctors in Halifax who will clip a newborn tongue. So about two weeks ago we had the procedure done and the difference to her latch and in her ability to eat more efficiently was almost immediate! We're still supplementing but hopefully not for too much longer.

Today was my second day with both kids while G was at work. We had kept Austin at Kelly's until the end of June and I'm really happy that we did. He always has a blast there and it kept his routine in tact. I think that is a very big positive in this transition for him. It also gave me some one on one focused time with Amelia and I am very grateful for that.

Hopefully I will get back on track here with my blog. I'm getting better at one handed typing and am going to try to make more of an effort to make time to write and post pictures. Like these:


Sleeping Beauty



Coffee with Mom!

Big Brother meets Little Sister

One of the very first calls we made after the excitement died down a bit in the birth unit was to Austin to let him know his baby sister had arrived. The conversation went a little like this:

"Austin, it's Mommy. Guess what? You have a new baby sister!"

"A baby sister? Mommy I'm Spiderman!"
(So you can totally see that my boy got it. lol)

We were finally moved from the birth unit to the maternity room mid afternoon Friday. Melanie kept us a little longer down on the 3rd floor so that we would get a private room and I was very happy about that! I felt like a million bucks and could move around easily. Gordon and I were both so excited and were spending time soaking in our new addition, but something just felt like it was missing. We both kept talking about how Austin was going to react and feel about his new sister.

Not too much later, Garnet brought our boy in to meet his sister. He opened the door to my room and ran straight to me with open arms. I sat him next to me on the bed and introduced him to Amelia. At that moment the experience felt complete. Our whole family was finally together.



Austin meets Pink for the first time.



It's been 22 days since Amelia came home. Every morning Austin greets her by climbing up onto my bed, getting right in her face and saying " Good morning sweet heart! Hi sweetie!" He hugs and kisses her and, when we're not looking, tries to pick her up. So far he is very much in love with her and tells everyone he sees that he's a big brother. I hope this continues!!!

It is so much fun to watch him interact with her. Who knew he would be right that baby was a girl?

And Baby makes four!

After a week and a half of false labour, I woke up at 3:20am on Friday June 3rd with more cramps. At first I thought that they were the same as I had been having, but suddenly they became very sharp. I got G up to help me into the tub hoping that the hot water would make me more comfortable. The contractions started getting a bit stronger and closer together so at 5am and I asked G to get up again (I had sent him back to bed after I got in the tub, thinking that nothing would be happening anytime soon). G got the bags in the car and I called my Mom. At 5:30amI called our friend Kelly and asked if Austin could come to her place early...as in as soon as we could get there and thankfully she said yes. We arrived at her place by 6am and left our still sleeping boy with our friend and headed to the IWK.

I made G stop the car twice on the way into the city. I was so nauseous...apparently that is a sure sign that I was in transition... I have no idea how far apart my contractions were, I just knew they were pretty strong and very close together. G started stopping at red lights when we got off the highway and I was pretty sure that if he kept that up, our baby was going to be born in the backseat of our car. 

Much to my delight we finally arrived at the IWK. As G helped me out of the car, I had another contraction and he had to help me into the hospital. We left the car in 20 minute parking (our camera and bags stayed behind too), and as the Security guard held the door open, G helped me into the admissions area. Suddenly I had another contraction and for the first time in my life, I managed to do a perfect full squat. Oh how my yoga instructor would have been proud! G signed the papers because I couldn't. And it was at that moment that I realized that my contractions weren't 5 minutes apart. They were coming one right after another and my back felt like it was going to split in half.
We were seen in early labour and assessment for all of two minutes. Baby was coming fast and we were ushered to birth room 9...where I immediately asked for the man with the needle. I have never experienced such back pain in my life. I couldn't focus on anything else and the gas was making me sick to my stomach. It was shift change and I am so grateful that Melanie was my nurse that morning. She saw the Anesthesiologist walking by and ran out and grabbed him. He got the medicine in and about 30 seconds later I needed to push. It was just about 8am.

G was a great coach and Melanie was so encouraging. The epi took away my back pain and I was focused on getting my baby out. After a tense few minutes where I pushed the resident and then apologized profusely (She was going at me with a needle at the very moment I needed to push and I didn't want her to get the baby...) our baby came out in one push. The doctors barely caught her!

At 9:09am our sweet Amelia Helen Leah Boutilier was born.

About 20 minutes old...G had to go get the camera from the car

I can hardly believe that I have a daughter. After Austin was born I just figured that I would have all boys. Her delivery was very clear and a blur all at the same time. I was able to hold her after they cut the cord and she was just moments old. I am so grateful for those first moments. It was amazing to breath her in and count her tiny fingers and toes. I fell in love in that incredibly special way that I could never truly find the words to explain. It's that feeling that you would give the world and your life to protect your child would know and understand.

Welcome to the world sweet baby girl!

Nesting in my kitchen

My blood pressure is up and I'm not allowed to go to work anymore. I did bring some stuff home to work on in the meantime. But after months out of the kitchen and little to no interest in exploring new foods I made a triumphant return last night. Mommy verdict is that it was all good!

I was up, it was raining and I was intrigued by making my own lemonade ever since my follow preggo cousin Laura called me to rave about her latest craving. On the way home from dinner last night I stopped at the store and picked up organic raspberries and fresh lemons. Once Austin was in bed, I put on my apron and started looking for my necessary tools. I found my sieve, measuring spoons and cups and my favorite Paula Dean wooden spoon. I made the simple syrup and crushed raspberries into the pitcher. While the syrup cooled, I started squeezing the lemons. I bleached my shirt in the process and decided that one of those wooden citrus reamers will be a must have addition to my collection of tools. Once the syrup was cooled I added that to the pitcher. The colour was really quite something! The raspberries were this very intense pink and then the lemon juice turned it this gorgeous shade that I wanted to paint on my walls! In the end it looks like this:

"Ahh refweshing!"- Austin 

You can find the recipe on the blog My Baking Addiction . (I have to say this blog is pretty darn good and I can't wait to try the cherry mojitos...)

While I was putting together the lemonade I also made these:

I slightly overcooked them so they are lacking that fudgy texture that should be found in the perfect brownie but oh how close I came! Next time I will take a few pictures as I make them. The eggs and sugar are whipped together until they turn into this really gorgeous thick pale yellow combination. I folded in the chocolate and butter mixture (I used 3oz of 70% dark chocolate instead of 2.5oz) and once that was all done I folded in the flour mixture. Up to that point I was convinced I had done something wrong. The mixture was yellow with brown flecks and not the deep chocolate colour that I was expecting. As I folded in the flour, magic happened....seriously! The batter turned deep brown and was super thick. I poured it into a pan and hoped that despite the thunder and lightning the power wouldn't go out and ruin my latest creation. Luckily it didn't and I was able to bake them. I'll bake them 5-7 minutes less next time and they will be perfect.

This recipe is from Simply Sweeter another great blog!

Now what to make tonight??

39 weeks

So here we are at 39 weeks and this is how the bump is looking:

I am convinced this little Peanut is a girl. Peanut is wanting to arrive on her(his) own terms and I am wanting Peanut to arrive now! I can't handle much more of this false labour. Contracting for hours on end and then everything stopping and starting up again a few hours later. It's a vicious cycle and I'm not amused. They say that babies come when Mother Nature is ready...well Mother is ready so Nature better hurry up!

Sunday I had a great lunch with a few of my good friends. It was really nice. We met up for lunch and instead of having a traditional shower for me, they organized a freezer party. Everyone brought food that was freezer ready so that we wouldn't have to worry about food for the first few weeks after baby. Anyone who knows us, knows that G doesn't cook very often. Give the man a recipe and he can follow it so I would say he just chooses not to cook. I even tried getting him to commit to one night a week but I got sick of pasta with sauce so gave up on that dream.  Our freezer is now fully stocked and I can cross off worrying about making more meals for the freezer.

I like to be prepared and I think we're pretty ready. Bassinet is layered (for anyone who doesn't know this trick its sheet, waterproof change pad, repeat. It was probably one of the MOST useful tricks  I learned with Austin. With several layers of sheets and waterproof pads, you don't have to worry about changing a bassinet or crib if baby spits up or a diaper leaks. You just peel off a layer and go on with the night. It's great because you end up only having to haul the crib mattress out of the crib once a month or so to re-layer), clothes are washed, bags are packed and diapers are stuffed. I just wish I knew when this baby was coming. I can't go to work with all these contractions because it is way too distracting and staying home is a bit annoying because I make work to keep myself busy. I seriously need to learn how to just relax.

Off to walk the track and see if I can't get things to progress a little more.

Making Progress

Remember that crazy to do list that I posted in April. I realized today that it now looks like this:

1. Home renovation (I'm planning to have G move a wall but if that doesn't happen there is still a lot of painting to do!)
2. Write the birth plan and talk to my doctor about it
3. Maternity photos
4. Spring clean the house
5. Set up bassinet and change table
6. Wash small and one size diapers
7. Pick up new one size diapers
8. Make and freeze several meals and muffins 
9. Pack bags for the hospital 
10. Pick a name 
11. Get everything wrapped up at work.

Yeah for having things accomplished. I admit that the Spring cleaning isn't totally done but I've got cleaners coming June 6th to finish that up (Thank you Dealfind!). Gordon painted the hall and dining room wall and it looks spectacular. I'll post a picture when it's all finished later tonight.

We're still trying to decide on a girl's name. The boy name is in the bag, which leads me to believe that this baby is a girl. So do the three and a half days of false labour that I've had this week  It's driving me crazy. The way things were going on Wednesday and Thursday truly led me to believe that I would have been holding my newest addition right now. So disappointed when everything cam to a halt on Saturday morning. I'm currently making my way through the list of all the old wives tales about how to get this baby going! I'm open to every and all suggestions so please leave a comment about what worked for you. Help a girl out!!