Monday, January 16, 2017

New Year, New Me? Not quite

If you follow this blog (and thank you if you are still around) you'll have noticed consistency isn't my strong suit. My children have consistency, my husband has consistency- it's just that in managing to create consistency for everyone else,  my needs and efforts to be consistent with the things for me end up taking second place.

For the past 8 years and some odd months I have been taking care of other people. I take care of my children and my husband. I take care of the people I work with (comes with the territory of being an assistant). Sure I make efforts to take care of myself and for some periods I succeeded in taking good care of myself but I've NEVER made myself a priority. There has always been a tiny human who needed me, my family needing me, making sacrifices in my career to better meet the needs of my family, making sacrifices with my friends to meet the needs of my tiny humans, sacrificing my time to meet the needs of my employer, etc.....

In short there is a whole lot of sacrificing going on.

Not be sound like a martyr, there are many benefits to those sacrifices- happy, healthy kids, improved financial situation for my family, happy husband, happy friends, happy challengers...

Something occurred this weekend that made me really rethink this whole giving my all for everyone thing. It was a small thing but I felt really hurt by it, because I was doing my best to make everyone happy and still not miss out on something I wanted to be at. And I missed out despite stretching myself as thin as possible because another person didn't show me the same kind of consideration  that I have shown them time and time again. It made me think- while some sacrificing is worth it but maybe it's more than time for me to reclaim some respect and consideration for my needs.


I'm calling uncle on my whole situation. My cup is empty and it is totally impacting how I am able to care for my family. They are the one who suffer the most when the well is dry. Even the small deposits of love and adoration from the tiny humans aren't making their usual impact. 

People are depending on me. My family, my coworkers, my challengers, my customers. I am no good to anyone if I have nothing to give. So what is a mom to do?  The answer is quite simple in theory, harder in follow through:

1) Show myself some grace
2) Make a plan for change
3) Put the plan into action

The hardest of these three things is probably #1. I'm not good at showing myself grace. I'm hard on myself because I expect so much of myself. But I also expect so much of myself because I constantly fall into the trap of comparing myself to others. Sound familiar? Your life's journey is your own and while Top Coach's life looks perfect on social media I can assure you it isn't- now to just remember that when I'm falling into the comparison trap!

I'm great at making plans- follow through on plans for myself is the hard part. There are a few things in my life that I'm not happy about (that's a post for another day), so I'm focusing on one aspect at a time. I need to learn to ask for help, and ask for my needs to be put on the list. Morning workouts are a struggle. My workout needs to happen at night. That means the family routine is going to have to change- and I need to make peace with that. As a family, we'll need to look at the routine and make a change to ensure that I get 25 minutes to workout before 9pm.

Small steps will lead to bigger changes. 

Small steps will fill the cup. Filling the cup means everyone benefits.


2 comments:

  1. It is such a hard balance to achieve! I know the feeling too - I was feeling frustrated this morning when I was doing EVERYTHING for EVERYONE and I barely had time to get dressed. Then, the only words I got in response to everything I did was "You should have started the car earlier." It can be hard to be the one who keeps everything flowing for everyone else. Taking care of ourselves is important to get it going but also hard to fit in.

    I'm so happy for your coming goals and I hope this will be a really wonderful year for you with lots of strength and energy in your cup to then pour out on those who need it from you. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! It's my number one struggle! Probably is for most mothers/ care givers!

      My reply to the car comment probably would have been "I would have but you know...priorities" lol

      Delete