So Wednesday G and I had an appointment at the MFM clinic at 3:30pm. Well we didn't get put into an exam room until 4:30 and then around 4:45 a Douggie Howser wanna be. Seriously he was all of 12 with pinstriped jeans, cowboy boots and messed up hair. He announces he is a med student (no kidding, I couldn't tell..you only look like you've just fallen out of a textbook!) looks at my blood work, tells me the same thing twice and then proceeds to check my blood pressure (asking me what he had said it was as he wrote it down on the chart) and then asked "Where do they find the baby's heartbeat?" Seriously...are you kidding me?? At one point he had the doppler on my side up by my ribs...no baby there...what a shock! He finally found pumpkin's heart (150 beats/min...always reassuring to hear that!).
I'm all for this teaching stuff but they shouldn't be unsupervised when they are as dense as this one was...good lord... We waited until 5:30 to see my actual Doc. Found out that the fatigue is not all in my head. My thyroid levels are on the very low end of normal. They are just going to watch it for now. We shall see what happens.
We rush out of the clinic at 5:40 and rush to grab supper with Amanda before rushing back to the Health Cenrte for labour and delivery class. Good lord. I had been taking bets that G would faint during the video...not quite. Apparently I turned white. Never mind that I got home and had a mini melt down. I know that I have to do the whole delivery process, I just really don't want to.
I didn't think I would be this person. The one who doesn't think she can do this whole delivery and newborn thing. I am scared to death about the whole event and my confidence is basically nonexistent... when did I become this person? I used to think that I could do anything and achieve anything and these days I am just not so sure. I'm worried about everything (nothing new there) only this time when I worry I doubt that I can do anything about it.
I need a solution and unfortunately a good stiff drink won't be of much use to me at the moment...