Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Where have I been

I know, I know, I know! I have been missing...MIA if you will...all with good reason. My last post was about waiting and a few people called and asked what I was waiting for. Well it was a confirmation that everything in my world is going to change. Everything from the day to day to the deepest thoughts and feelings that I think I know I will experience.

Waiting for news that was negative , then "I think that's negative"....no , no maybe that's a positive...and then the answer that wouldn't be denied. Clear as day...it took the most advance piece of technology that I have ever peed on (at least that is what the commercial said!)..Gordon and I are going to have a baby! A trip to the doctor for bloodwork confirmed the answer that I had been so longing for.

Most people who are trying to start a family are elated when they get the news. We were over joyed and terrified all at the same time. The fear that anything could go wrong and that this baby may not yet be ours was one that was so real to us that we decided only to share the news with a handful of individuals with whom we knew we could confide in should God have a different plan for this baby. It was easier not to blog because I didn't want to spill the beans and let the whole world know my fear.

We started sharing th enews at Easter. We had already seen our little one at an early ultrasound and thought that it would be okay to share the news. Last week we heard the heartbeat for the first time. I never imagined that something so small could have a heart that beat so quickly. It was something incredible to hear.

In two days we go for another ultrasound. I must admit that posting in my blog today makes me nervous...I feel almost like I should wait but if I wait will the fear ever go away.

I realize that the fear will never leave me. It will change and evolve and take on a new meaning. Right now I want more than anything to enjoy the miracle that is taking place in our lives.

We're going to have a baby...how cool is that?!

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